It's time to tell the truth.
Yes, I'm a mole.
For five years, I have worked, mostly diligently, to convince you that some conservatives were indeed interested in building a decent world. Now that we've won and the first all-Minnesota presidential ticket is destined for the White House in 2012 — if not sooner — I might as well stop living a lie.
I left a cushy job creating marketing messages for corporate America to become a fake liberal blogger. This job was even cushier — fewer client meetings and working at home — and I took a nice salary bump.
There were drawbacks, of course. I had to quit the golf club. I had to sell the Jag and bike everywhere, even in the winter. Distasteful as it was, I disrespected my political heroes and said some very harsh things about certain political operatives. Now that they run the party, I hope they will remember my mission and treat me kindly. A communications directorship would be nice, with maybe a little side job as an election judge.
I had to attend Drinking Liberally, at least until I seriously relapsed and my bosses put me in rehab. I called it "Colorado." When it appeared my cover might be blown late last year, I started volunteering in homeless shelters.
All that was miserable, but I pressed on for the greater — though not necessarily majority — good.
My only real friend through all this was Jeff, who kept my spirit company here. He did a masterful job of walking the line between a reasonable conservative, an annoying libertarian and the whacko that all of you fear and detest.
Then Wilford Wicklund outed me. Oh, he was sly and I tried to respond with an equally sly comment. But I don't think I was that convincing. Finally, I should start being honest with myself again.
I have a meeting with my handlers this morning. I'm going to tell them my plan to come clean — that I'll lay everything out here. There may be water boarding, to make sure I wasn't a double mole. If they don't let me out alive, no matter.
I've already time-posted the story, and it will appear here, while I either head for the mountains or begin eternity with my savior.