Across the Great Divide

Stop and Smell the Fertility Symbols.

This dancing scarecrow, bundled from straw at a community garden along the Midtown Greenway just east of Lyndale, is placed high uphill, so if you've got your nose to the derailleur, you'll miss her.

And speaking of feminine fertility symbols, you may remember that I posted about another mysterious madonna-like sculpture (seen here from the other side).

I first saw it following a big storm, and because the rest of the split tree was still in the yard, speculated that it might have been created naturally, since it was more refined than your average chainsaw yard sculpture.

On a later pass, I could see its final version  was created intentionally. Three large branches from the rest of the fallen tree form archways over the walk, and the wood's surface is preserved.

But an even more serendipitous discovery awaited.

Some good friends had recently moved into that neighborhood. When my DP went to their house for the first time, who but our friends should happen to own the sculpture!

However, they had taken to calling it The Phallus and were discussing whether to remove it. I think my fervent appeal has given the dead tree new life.

And finally on the topic of serendipity, our family has been going through some health issues that are going to turn out all right.

One day, we received two cards in the mail — one from my family members in Colorado and the other from our military nephew's family in Texas. I see this stuff all the time.

Do you?

And Just So Y'all Have it Straight...

The beginning of the end of Concordia Parish’s year-long election process began Wednesday with qualifying for several elections.

Elections slated for this cycle include Seventh Judicial Court judges for both divisions “A” and “B,” district attorney for the Seventh Judicial Court, and justice of the peace and constable for districts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5A and 5B.

Those who qualified Wednesday include:

• For constable, District 1: Republican Charlie Quimby, of Ferriday.

— Natchez Democrat

Flag Pin Etiquette.

How do you properly display your allegiance when your candidate has a flag pin? I finesse the problem by never wearing a suit, but McCain supporters have a choice to make.

Via Mississippifarian, John Cole found an interpreter of  John McCain's Nautical Lapel Pin, which renders the candidate's initials in signal flags.

Individual flags represent letters, and also by themselves, common or urgent signals. According to this, three-flag signals can indicate relative bearings. McCain's initials are:

J – Juliet – On Fire, Keep Clear
S – Sierra – Engines Going Astern
M – Mike – I Am Stopped

Okay, but what about Obama?

B – Bravo — Dangerous Cargo
H — Hotel — Pilot on Board
O — Oscar — Man Overboard

Here, you can type in text and have the message rendered for you. Perhaps candidates could use signal flag  bumper stickers to convey their positions in code.

Candidates closer to home, like Norm Coleman and Al Franken, will probably not be doing pins.

N — November — No
B — Bravo — Dangerous Cargo
C — Charlie — Yes

A — Alfa — Diver Down Keep Clear
S — Sierra – Engines Going Astern
F —  Foxtrot — Disabled

Most possible initial combinations seem dire, but mine's not so bad:

C — Charlie — Yes
R — Romeo — (No international designation)
Q — Quebec — Request Clearance into Port

Mysteries.

I just wasted my time today writing a post I eventually decided would only waste yours.

Instead, I offer the best piece of scrap metal found while biking so far this week. If you're interested, I have an entire collection.

Then this:  Is this some kind of sign? If so, does it mean gas prices are coming back down, God doesn't care about gas mileage, or someone doesn't think they'll be on earth long enough to pay off the lease?

Shingle Karma.

On Friday a neighbor came by canvassing for the American Cancer Society. It came up that we were replacing our roof on Monday. She asked me if we had hail damage. I said no, and she said are you sure? Then she began recounting the neighbors, including her, who'd recently gotten new roofs paid for by home owner's insurance.

A home repair company has been working the area, finding hail-damaged shingles and agreeing to replace the roof for whatever the insurance company would reimburse.

I don't know that they are doing anything wrong. Maybe we do have hail damage that hasn't yet caused any apparent problems. But I'm generally suspicious of solicitations by construction outfits who "just happen to be working in your neighborhood."

One of their sales guys came by here the other day. He may have been the same guy I saw door knocking earlier in the week as I was biking home. Since he looked like a missionary, I took an extra spin around the neighborhood. Not in the mood.

I checked them out on the web and didn't find too much about them being shady or shoddy, although several prospects noted a two-hour sales presentation. No, thanks, I'll take the missionary.

When the salesman is wearing a suit, the antennae really start vibrating. It means the price is going up because the guy on the front step isn't the one doing the work. (A roofing contractor along one of my routes has a sign up looking for sales help and promising "40%" of something.) And if it takes a two-hour presentation to convince me to fix a problem I didn't know I had, maybe the real problem is keeping the roofing crew working.

The key to this sale, of course, is the promise to take advantage of the insurance company. That's why you buy insurance, right? Maybe, but I had something more in mind like replacing a tornado-flattened house, not fixing dimples in my 20-year-old shingles. My neighbors may have free new roofs, but I get to feel morally superior.

Originally, the roofers were supposed to come last Monday, but we put them off a week.

Yesterday it hailed like hell.

The Book of Forgetting.

I left behind the book I was reading in Colorado. It was a big book, a desultory one. It did not seem to matter if I picked it up again a month later when I was scheduled to return.

After all, Umberto Eco's The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana, about a book dealer who tries to recover his lost memory by rediscovering the pulpy literature of his youth, was subtitled: The Book of Forgetting.

I remember when the book came out, deciding not to buy it. Though I was intrigued by its inclusion of colored illustrations from vintage books and magazines and have enjoyed Eco's essays, I also remembered about eight inches of his novels residing on a shelf, unread.

But on an impulse, I picked up the paperback edition in Grand Junction from a three for the price of two sale table last fall, and began reading it in March.

Last week, I noticed a copy of the hardcover edition next to The Name of the Rose. Today, I walked up some stairs lined with more shelves, and there on one step, was another copy.

I now own three copies of the book I once decided not to buy. It was that first decision, not subsequent ones, that I recalled each time I saw the book thereafter.

Owning three copies of The Book of Forgetting gives me a pleasure I will not bother to explain.

Carnival Flowers.

Heading back from a late afternoon meeting, for a moment I thought I spied a carnival ride ahead. But it turned out to be just flowers following the sun.

Beverage of Choice.

This new product from Kool-Aid provides yet more evidence why 27 year-olds fresh out of business school should not be made product managers.  [via Diversion Wednesday]

If you are going to market products aimed at kids, maybe you should have one or two before being turned loose.

And if the product manager didn't have a clue before, perhaps the Google ads that popped up on the linked post might suggest why Burstin' Waters is not gonna be a hit with young moms bringing home sugar-saturated beverages for the wee ones.

Amniotic fluid ads I get. But unless I have some cookies being detected, Minnesota Campaign Report has some 'splainin' to do.

Low Amniotic Fluid

Get advice and support during your pregnancy from other moms.

www.CafeMom.com

Home Detection Kit

AmniScreen™ Amniotic Fluid Liner Kit. Learn More Today.

www.AmniScreen.com

Coleman or Franken? Looking for news and analysis? Make an informed decision in 2008! www.mncampaignreport.com

The Real Barack Obama The truth behind the canditate - "Barack Obama Exposed" - Free! www.HumanEvents.com

Amniotic Fluid Learn The Effects Of Too Little Amniotic Fluid. Get Free Ideas Now! Blurtit.com

*****

On the other hand, if you're going to go risky, really go for it (at least in France).

Still Life, Lost.

What are you doing?

I'm looking for a picture of a Disney Princess Purse.

Why are you doing that?

Because my camera battery was dead.

Be glad you don't live with a blogger.

Leaving a meeting, I made a pit stop before heading home, and there on the washroom counter was a pink plastic Princess Purse with a pink beaded strap. Naturally, seeing one of those when you enter a mens room, you proceed with caution.

Snow White. The Little Mermaid. Cinderella. But no little girl, and even better, no size ten oxfords showing under the stall.

Inside the purse, nothing but a single orange Cheeto with a small nibble from one end. Princesses, orange and pink in a bland, compact fluorescent-lit restroom, and my camera inoperable.

I couldn't find the exact purse or the exact Cheeto online, so there's no reconstructing the scene. But it was beautiful, mysterious and toxic all at once.

Believe me.

Caught Looking.

Maybe later in the week, I'll get a serious post written. For now, this is the last reminder of the Worst Political Advertising in America Awards with keynote speaker Aaron Brown, at the Pantages Theatre, Wednesday, May 21st, at 8pm.

I have eight tickets I'll give away to Across the Great Divide readers. Be among the first to email me.

*****

Somehow the Red Paper Clip Guy — who traded up from a paper clip to a house in 14 trades — escaped me until now.

*****
The Strib had a story about a local school photography company delivering a yearbook to a Texas high school that contained a large proportion (39%) of altered photos. If you read the print version of the story, you might suspect a prank accounted for the photos with missing limbs, girls' heads on boys' bodies and changed clothing. A Lifetouch corporate spokesperson points no fingers.

Rollin chalked the situation up to a misunderstanding between Lifetouch and school officials. "Our people misinterpreted guidelines for the yearbook,'' she said.

An AP story available online, based on local Dallas coverage, explained further:

The high school had required Lifetouch to make heads the same size and eyes at the same level in all student photos, company spokeswoman Sara Thurin Rollin said Saturday.

But if you look at this photo of Brielle Anderson that appeared with the Dallas News coverage, you might figure out the real story, and that the guidelines probably had to do with more than eyes and head size.

Sophomore Brielle Anderson said she's pretty sure her head is on a boy's body.    

"I paid $80 for a cropped picture of my head on someone else's body," she said.   

She noted that she's also missing a few inches of hair.   

She's also missing a few inches of cleavage — hence, the "boy's body." I suppose some boy is missing his Meat Puppets t-shirt, too.